111: Feed Faith Not Fear
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[00:00:00] Stephanie - Overdub: Hello my friends. I am here to give you a little bit of a raw episode today. So I am sitting in my air conditioning car because I'm feeling a bit like I want to throw a pity party. I am 36 weeks pregnant and my AC unit went out in my house almost a week ago. And it's really, really hot. I live in Texas, and I've been sweating a ton.
[00:00:33] And for some reason, I decided to make a new meal today that I've never made the recipe before that required me to be at the stove and it was really hot. And that wasn't very smart of me, but you know, all the ingredients in my fridge needed to be used and I could combine them in this one way and so I like to cook and I decided to try it and I'm standing there, I'm overheating. I've been having Braxton Hicks like crazy recently. And just feeling like I needed to kind of rush cause my son had an activity for our church tonight. And I'm trying to get it done and I pulled it out oven. to do the, mid cooking stir and add an ingredient. And I went to go put it back in the oven and I don't even know what happened, but all of a sudden, two seconds later, it shattered all over the floor. So I had this casserole dish that had a full yummy dinner and I'd spent an hour and a half to two hours making it because it was whole food plant based and it's all over the floor. And I didn't start crying in the moment, but I just felt like that's it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.
[00:01:42] I have had a really great attitude all week. My youngest son has hand foot mouth and he's been quarantined in our guest room because if he has hand foot mouth and then it goes through all of our kids, it can be weeks that you can deal with that mess. And, I don't want to have our newborn baby coming home to hand, foot and mouth, and trying to nurse.
[00:02:01] So he's quarantined and it's been hard for our family because we can't really do much this week. And so we're kind of stuck in the house because they've got this kiddo that needs to not be interacting with society in this hot house without AC and trying my best to have a positive attitude about it all.
[00:02:20] But when that casserole dish broke with me being so overly heated trying to make dinner for my family, I just was like, "That's it!" And I left. And had to take my son to the activity anyway, and my husband came and started cleaning up and was really supportive.
[00:02:36] But, I just, had this moment where my, natural tendency was to feel overwhelmed by all of this. And I almost went there. I was driving my son and he was concerned for me. And so I gave some space for him. I was talking to him and I dropped him off and I just felt like, "Okay, now you can burst into tears. Now you can cry and be frustrated and feel a victim of all the things!" And I felt a little bit of it. But I didn't want to go there with my real, full self.
[00:03:08] My default wanted to pull me there, but I knew that dirty pain place wouldn't be helpful. The clean pain was what was important. And so instead of going to that dirty pain and victimization, "Why does this have to happen? I'm so frustrated!" I just started praying and tears came to my eyes. And I just said, "Heavenly Father, this is hard. And I feel just tired and hot and all the contractions and just all the things... but I still trust you. I still trust that it's gonna be okay. I trust that there is peace here, and that you can make it work for our good."
[00:03:55] And maybe my son needs to have this struggle physically before his baby sister comes, so he can have a stronger immune system. Maybe There's a blessing in us having the AC unit die right now. The guy that came to give us a quote said that everything's changing next year. And if we end up getting a new AC unit this year, it would actually probably be much cheaper. There are ways that I can see the silver lining.
[00:04:22] But today in my podcast, I just want to share with you the balance of acknowledging your feelings. Allowing them to be there while also having hope and faith.
[00:04:36] There was a moment where I recently went to tour the hospital where I'm planning on delivering this baby and they don't have a full NICU. They do have NICU staff and ability to support a baby, but if this baby has to be there for multiple days, they have to transfer to a nearby hospital. And I've been feeling a little conflicted about that and trying to decide what we want to do. Should we go to a different hospital? I have to change my doctor because they don't deliver there.
[00:05:04] And as I was there touring, the woman who was giving me the tour, who was the head nurse of the department, I started mentioning the different things about the NICU and she stopped and she just with this big smile looked at me and said, "We're not going to go there. You are going to have a beautiful birth and this baby is going to be amazing! Let's visualize all of the things that are going to go well!" And her faithful energy was just contagious. It felt like this breath of fresh air that I could release the fear that had been following me around. And I got excited!
[00:05:39] This place that I've been choosing to deliver at, I chose very purposefully. They have a really good blend of natural support and hospital support. And I'm really grateful that I have that option. I'm able to deliver with a midwife there any way that I want, and I can choose what happens to my baby. And I'm really glad that they are so flexible.
[00:06:01] And her invitation to see it with eyes of faith and to. Picture it and visualize it as a beautiful result was inspiring to me. So I brought that in prayer to my father in heaven and meditated on it and just said, "God, I have space to have you tell me what to do here. Help me feel peace that we're okay to deliver at this hospital."
[00:06:29] *And because I hadn't been indulging in the fear, I had space to receive that peace.*
[00:06:36] And the line that came to my head. In that prayer was feed faith.It's like that ancient parable that you may have heard about, about the two wolves inside of you, where one is good and one is evil, and whichever one you feed is the one that grows and wins the battle.
[00:06:54] *When we feed fear, it grows, and it wins. And we often take a shortcut to the thing that we're afraid of. But when we grow faith, we have space to find that peace, space to receive answers, to be guided.*
[00:07:09] And so I created a wallpaper on my phone that said, Feed Faith and I actually put it in my show notes. So if you want to download that and put it on your phone, you can. But when this happened with my son, where he started showing signs of hand, foot, and mouth, I wanted to freak out and feed the fear about all of the negative. outcomes that could happen. And why in the world is this happening right when I'm having the AC broken and we're all stuck inside and I wanted to feed the fear of what could be the result. But I picked up my phone and I saw that visual: Feed Faith.
[00:07:43] And I chose in that moment, no, I am choosing Feed the faith. I'm choosing to trust that God's got me, that it's going to be okay and that it's also okay to have things be inconvenient sometimes and that we can grow through this. It'll be a memory. I get to choose how to navigate it.
[00:08:02] And it's been hard. I'm not going to lie. And that moment today where I dropped dinner and it exploded all over the floor and I wanted to swear and I was so frustrated and just, overheating as a pregnant woman and stormed out the door. It was another choice It was a choice of what I wanted to feed and so as I'm sitting here trying to re ground I just had to share from my heart to yours that whatever you're going through, it may be really easy to think about being a victim. And you can indulge in that if you want to. It's a messy place that doesn't feel good.
[00:08:38] *But, please consider that maybe you can feel and feed your faith.*
[00:08:46] I had a good cry and said to God, "That was frustrating and, I'm grateful that the first time in weeks, we've had a few cooler days here in Texas. And that I have two AC units so I can go upstairs and cool off a little bit. And that my son's symptoms for hand foot mouth have been super mild, and hasn't been as miserable as it could have been. And that we have money to buy food. There are so many things to be grateful for and I choose to feed the faith that God is providing for me and that we are going to be okay, even if it's inconvenient at times.
[00:09:20] *What are you feeding with your thoughts? What struggle might you be going through that you can both feel it, but then feed the faith?*
[00:09:32] Because in that moment where I said a prayer to God and said, "This is hard." I felt Him reach back with peace and love. Then I had space to receive what to do next. And you know what he said? "Go record a raw podcast."
[00:09:47] So I parked in a scenic view next to my house. And we're recording this raw podcast. But I wouldn't have had space to receive that if I was feeding fear from a victim place.
[00:09:56] I hope this inspires you to create more space for faith in your life today. Because we need women of faith. We need women who can go through the ups and downs with courage and faith in Jesus Christ and not say that you're not affected by life. But know how to navigate it, not as a victim, but as a victorious woman.
[00:10:20] You can do hard things. And maybe, just maybe, the uncomfortable things aren't quite as hard as we make them when we resist them or feed that fear.
[00:10:34] So don't feed the fear today. Feed the faith.
[00:10:38] You got this, my friend. Have a blessed day.
[00:10:41] You are radiant and God wants you to remember that truth. But sometimes you forget. Don't worry, I've got you. I've created some free resources that will help you live lighter and shine brighter. Check out my show notes for the links.
[00:11:02] However, God guides your next steps, know that you are not alone on this journey I can't wait to see how you discover a more radiant you.
